www.cancermonster.net

Has anyone seen my sense of humor?  Ever since this Chemo started, I haven’t been able to find it.  I must have set it down somewhere.

I’ll keep looking.

I have to tell you something.  I am amazed.  I never asked you  to pray for my eyesight, but I know that you have.  There is a new filter in front of my eyes and I can see more clearly.  I kid you not.  It started a couple days ago, but I didn’t say anything to anyone.  But I felt the prayers working.  Thank you.

Now, let me tell you about the rash on my face . . . Lol

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We just came from church.  If you don’t walk away from your church knowing that God was there, if your not totally spent from the worship, if you have not been convicted and delivered from the rigors of everyday life, find a new church.

I don’t say that lightly.  I have cancer.  I don’t have time to sit through a dead church.  I need the Spirit working overtime.  If I could have teleported each and every member of my family into the pew beside me this morning, I would have.  It was that powerful.

Dan and I needed this today.  We are trying to figure out what we are going to be when we grow up.  Praying for guidance. Asking God for a lighted path to follow.  “God doesn’t always tell us how he going to take care of us. But he has it covered.”  I heard that this morning in church.  Fits.

I need a nap.
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Sometimes, for long stretches of time, I forget that I am sick.  I can even forget that I wash my hair in the sink and hang it to dry.   Heck, I sometimes forget that I don’t have my wig on.

This last part of my three week cycle is the weirdest, I think, because I am almost normal again.   I can eat and drink normally.  I can think pretty clearly.  If it weren’t for me sleeping so much, I would be my old self - except for the baldness.  “Why is that weird?” you ask.  Because I am not normal.  I am not my old self.  I’ll never be that person again.  It’s just an allusion.

The worst part of the last week of the cycle is that I start to think about the hospital again.   The next cycle should start on Saturday the 26th, but that is Brandi’s 10th birthday.  We are going to ask to start on Sunday night. I have a week.  Why am I wasting my thoughts on next week?

These are the kinds of random thoughts that run through my head.  I can’t imagine anyone else is interested in these ramblings.

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I just came from the grocery store.  It’s actually pretty chilly here in Florida.  It’s in the low 50’s.  (Oh, no.  They have turned me!  No. no not yet.  I said it was chilly, not cold.)   The wind is blowing at a pretty good clip. I had to hold on to my hair walking across the parking lot.  How would one handle losing their wig to the wind with grace?

I wish I had the guts of the woman I met in radiation.  She had no hair.  Her makeup was done perfectly and her jewelry framed her face.  She wore no wig.  She was beautiful.

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9:30p
I need your prayers more now than ever.  I am struggling with who I am.  And who I will be,  I am not perfect, not even close.  I need guidance.  I need knowledge. And sometimes I need duct tape for my mouth.  But first and most,  I need healing.  For my body as well as my mind and my heart.

I am human after all, Dr. H.    Go figure.