www.cancermonster.net

And Joshua said to the people, “Sanctify yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do wonders among you.” (Joshua 3:5 NKJV)

I am here at Moffitt, dancing with my Chemo pole as my partner. Wherever I go, there goes the pole with me. It’s a good thing that I decorate the thing, because without my additions, it’s not all that handsome a partner. A doctor that rode the elevator up with me a little while ago, asked if they were putting something extra in the bags . . . like what’s in there isn’t poison enough! But he walked off the elevator with a smile on his face that he will take with him to the next patient or co-worker he comes across. Mission accomplish.

Pam is with me. She drove me up yesterday. We are having a great time with our pajama party. We arrived to check in last night just before shift change at 7:00p. I knew it wouldn’t be a popular time with the nursing staff to show up. “There you are! We have been waiting for you all day!” translated to “Oh, man! It’s five minutes until we are off! Where have you been all day? Now we have to enter you in OUR logs!” I guess we could have waited fifteen minutes and help the day shift out a bit. Oh, well. I haven’t found the exact perfect time to check in yet. I guess I never will.

With all the hustle getting me settled in on the forth floor, I didn’t get a chance to write yesterday. It took some time for Pam and I to make the tiny room I was assigned work for us. We had to fit in the cot for Pam. To do that we had to re-arrange the room a bit. Lol And the amount of stuff that the two of us brought with us to keep busy was enough to clutter up the place quickly. I am not the typical resident of Moffitt Central. In between the comings and goings of the staff, I had to decorate my room with the scripture signs and the art work that I made and the art work the children made to make me smile. And then I had to get the Chemo Cart decorated. When the cart first shows up, it is loaded with IV fluids and the Thiamine that keeps me sane. “This is going to sound funny, but could you please leave me the hanger in the front there empty?” “Empty?” “Ya, I . . .a. . .decorate my cart–I hang stuff from the hooks there. . .” “Oh, ya, now I remember you.” heheh Gotta love me, it’s a rule. It was after 11:00p when the chemo was finally hooked up and flowing through me. I was pretty tired by that point. We turned off the lights and both went to sleep.

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But yesterday was an awesome day. I woke up early and had a quiet house for an hour. I watched a couple different preachers on the TV before I had to start waking the family. “It’s the Lord’s Day! Wake up!” The next preacher had country singers on. I grabbed Robbie and made him dance with me! Haha “If you don’t learn to dance with your momma, your wife will be very mad at me!” “OH MOM!!!!” But he did dance with me. I loved it. And my seven year old baby boy loved it too. . .he just will never admit it. As I twirled Rob around the living room to the music of an old country gospel song, nine year old Jaymi who was on the couch watching the dance said, “Mom, how do people have cancer and not believe in God?” “I don’t know how people that don’t believe in God handle having cancer, honey.”

She was watching me.

We piled in the car and headed for church. The three in the back were going over the Bible passage the children’s pastor wanted them to memorize. The first one who recited the passage correctly would get a dollar!

Jaymi worked very hard over the last week. “Matthew 25:21 His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’”

Brandi did not go to church last week because she was sick. But she struggled through the passage with a few reminders.

“Robert can you say Matthew 25:21?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s here it.”

“Matthew 25:21”

(Little did they know it, but they had just played out the entire parable.)

The kids went to Kid Church, and Dan and I went to the Sanctuary. The Pastor stopped us on the way in to ask how the scans went on Thursday. The couple that prayed for me last week came to ask me the same question. They were the only ones that we told. Not many in the church knew that I had cancer. When I walk in the door of the church, I do not look like a cancer patient. Go figure.

The music began and I joined in the worship. As always it was very moving and I had a hard time keeping the tears from my eyes. As we were singing, I found myself saying to God, “If you want me to stand and share my story with people, you’re going to have to teach me how to do it without crying.”

“Trust me.”

In the middle of the worship time, we celebrated “Staff Appreciation Month” by the giving of gifts to the Assistant Pastors. Soon we were sitting, listening to the sermon. Pastor was preaching on the Holy Spirit and the things the Spirit’s gifts can help you do. He was pacing and very passionately delivering his message. (Pentecostals . . .tend to be passionate! lol) Then he stopped and said, “I need the hand microphone. Where is the mic?” I could see it placed on the back of the alter wall, but just before I was about to raise my hand I figured out what was happening. The Worship Leader was on her feet to get he microphone and the Pastor was headed in my direction saying, “I didn’t get permission to do this, but I don’t think it’s going to be a problem. This family has not been here very long, but I think they have something to share.” As he handed the mic to me, he said, “You knew I was coming over here didn’t you?” “Yah, I did.” Dan said, “I didn’t!”

We stood up and I just began. “My name is Teresa and this is my husband, Daniel. We came here from Oregon for . . .for Chemo treatments.” With a tug on my wig (I’m a blonde now, by the way) I confessed, “This is not my real hair.” That broke the ice. We all laughed. “The first time we came here, I wore a mask. Then you prayed over me, Pastor, and I knew that God wouldn’t send me to a church that would make me sick. I haven’t worn a mask since.”

I went on to say that sometimes God doesn’t take things away, but he gives us what we need to get through it. “I pray everyday to be healed, but God says, ‘Not yet.’ He is using me for a bigger purpose. Meanwhile, the chemo is working. In January, there was about 100 spots on my lungs and now there are around forty. That’s 60% gone!”

I told them how we were told that the chemo would be so harsh that I wouldn’t be able to care for my children. We came here for the help of my family. “After we leave here this afternoon, I will be going up to Tampa where I will stay at Moffitt until Thursday. When I get there, I will paste scriptures on the walls and decorate my IV cart. They said I wouldn’t be human, but I check myself in the hospital and I DANCE in my room! The people at the hospital are watching me. AND I am doing better than anyone could ever predict. There is no other explanation except, my God is bigger than Sarcoma!”

To a chorus of “Amens” and Hallelujahs” I handed the microphone back to the Pastor and gave him a hug. I thanked him as he thanked me. He resumed his sermon on the book of Acts and the Baptism of the Holy Spirit without the pacing but even more passionate than before. I looked at Dan and we just shook our heads in wonder. I did it without letting the tears fall from where they sat in my eyes. Go figure.

At the end of the service, he asked for everyone to bow their heads for prayer. Then he asked if there was anyone in the congregation that would like to ask God for the very first time for the Gift of the Holy Spirit that was given to the believers on the Day of Pentecost. Several people came forward. Then he asked if there was anyone who had already received the Baptism of the Spirit, but maybe it was a long time ago and they feel they needed a refresher. Again, several people came forward, including my dear Dan. Then the alter workers went forward to pray over those assembled. And the congregation added our hands to the prayers. It was fantastic. The church was on fire for the Lord. I couldn’t hold back my tears this time.

God was there.

I could hear my Dan praising God in the language of Prayer from my place several rows back from the alter. I thanked the Lord for giving me a Godly Husband. I am so blessed. When he came from the alter, I held him and we cried some more.

The service was going longer than normal for us. I went to get the children from their service so that I could bring them into the sanctuary so they could see what was happening. After that we joined the rest of the congregation in the kitchen for a Staff Appreciation Reception. “Let them eat Cake!”

While we were partaking of the cake, the Pastor came to us. “Teresa, I need to tell you something about your testimony. Every Sunday, a core group of people get together to pray for the service that day. While we were praying, I told the group that something was not right. Something was blocking the Spirit in the church.” He said he didn’t know what it was, but it was there. “Even when I was preaching, I could feel it.” That is when he decided to ask me for my testimony. “When you were done with your story, a Spirit of Faith went through the congregation and whatever was blocking the church was gone. Three people received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit for the first time after your testimony.”

As if the day hadn’t been amazing enough! I tell you. This is someone else’s life I am living now. I don’t recognize it.

And if all that wasn’t enough, Jaymi won the dollar for memorizing the passage of the week! “Well Done, Good and faithful Servant!”

Don’t forget that we came to Moffitt on Thursday, hoping for an open bed so that I could get a head start on the Chemo. God knew better. I am glad He said No!

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8:30p

Pam and I spent today chatting about this and that. I worked on this post off and on all day. (It took so long because Pam and I talked too much!) This morning, the Hospital Pastor came in and we had a nice long talk with her about faith and what it can do for recovery. And then she asked if she could pray for us. Oh, but of course! Pam asked that she also pray for everyone on the floor as well. And that we did. This afternoon, we went to the art studio and painted with watercolors. That was very relaxing. I have had more Christian staff members so far this cycle. Nurses and Doctors as well — talking to me about faith and strength of the Lord. That is different. And I had my favorite tech, J all day today. What a treat.

It’s business as usual here on the forth floor. So far so good. I am tired, though. I didn’t have a nap this afternoon and you never get more than a couple hours of sleep at a time in the night around here. I am going to lay back here on my bed and chill out for the evening.

Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you.” (Joshua 3:5 NIV)

Yesterday was a very long day. Dan and I got home from Moffitt around 7:30p. By the time we kissed and hugged the children and talk about the day with Anita and Dick, my sister and brother-in-law (they were staying with the kids for us), I climbed into bed and stayed there. I apologize for not posting last night. This morning my laptop was acting up again. The first time I wrote this post, the it crashed and I lost it! (Can you say, “Save” . . .) I have been having so many problems with this old thing.   Agggg!    I had to rewrite it as fast as possible. . . The phone was beginning to ring off the hook! LolBut as for my news . . .It’s all good!

Yard Sales.  What is it about having a yard sale that makes you feel like you have been run over by a train?

We did well.

The last time we had a sale, we sold almost everything we owned.  We cleaned out a 3400 sq ft house.  That was a HUGE MAMA of a sale.  I would have to say we had ten times as much to sell at that sale as we had to sell here this weekend.

But we made more than 50% of what we made before.  Much more than we expected.  I don’t know how that happened.  Well, I do know how that happened. . . It was in the clothes piles.

The clothes seemed to multiply like loaves and fish.  (In Matthew 14:13-21, Jesus blessed 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish and fed 5,000 men AND their women and children and had 14 baskets of scraps left over.)  We had a pile of kid’s clothes, a pile of teen/men’s clothes, a pile of infant/toddler clothes and a rack full of women’s things.  We had 5,000 people (hehe) pick through those piles and carry away arms full.  AND there were still nine garbage bags full of clothes left over!  They were multiplying, I tell you!

God is Cool.  Thank You Lord!

Keep in mind, we came here to Florida four months ago in a motorhome with nothing but what would fit in said motorhome…  Our Blessings have multiplied like the clothes piles.   99% of what we have . . . of what we had to sell was donated.

People are Cool too.   Thank You Family and Friends and Strangers!

We are, oh so tired.  Going to bed early.  Well,  I have been in bed most of the evening already, but. . .   I just wanted to check in and say “Hello, I’m fine.”

Tomorrow’s another day . . . Another wonderful, God-made, God-filled Day.

I have a problem.  I have been fighting with myself.  Fighting with the devil who keeps trying to mess with my head.  And getting Poked in the chest by the Holy Spirit who is trying to teach me.  It’s been an interesting week of flip-flopping.  Lol  Thank you for being patient.

Here is my problem in a nut shell:  I cannot stop digging through the Bible.  I am learning so much.  I am devouring the Word. I want to write about what I find, what I learn.  But it has changed this site.  I am no longer writing about being a mother with cancer.   Lol     In my mind, the cancer has taken a back seat.  It is more important that I keep digging and searching for the Words and stories and history that has been hidden in plain site my whole life.  The cancer can no longer be the defining subject of my everyday.  It is now just an annoyance, a nuisance that interrupts my study.

However, every time I find myself pouring out what I have learned I worry that I am out of line. Who am I to say this?   Or I feel that I can’t just say “whatever” when I promised I would write “this”.   So I don’t post until I have something all figured out . . .   It’s a lot harder than it used to be.

For instance. . . This week I dug out some very cool things about the Holy Spirit and the Gifts associated.  I wrote what was really an article on what I found out and then I tried to turn it into a post . . . Lol    I asked Dan to read it and he said,  “Ah . . . Why don’t you write more about us?” “Like what? I sat on the couch all day reading the Word, searching the internet for commentary. . . Watching you working on our other sites . . .  Is there enough to make a whole post?”  So I didn’t post it. . .

In order to get back to the flippant, funny everyday what’s-going-on-with-my life kind of blogging that I started back in  June last year, I need to have another place to work out the questions I have.  I am going to still write here.  But I’m going to use one of the other web sites that Dan and I have to write as well. I’ll let you know where . . . when I figure that out.  It will be like writing about Disney on my first trip through the Magic Kingdom.  Only the Magic Kingdom I am experiencing was not created by Walt.

Speaking of other sites . . . I have asked for prayers for our finances. I haven’t talked much more than that about what we are doing in the background.  It’s a tough time for most people here in Florida.  There is a lack of traditional “work.”  If you have a job in construction here, you are fortunate.  Dan and I have been making money where we can.  We take jobs as we find them.  Also Dan has been studying how people make money with websites, and he has been building one site after another.  It’s a lot of work.  AND it takes time to develop.  The original plan was to develop one after another until we have 50+ sites each making $50 to $100 a month in ad money.  However, God led us to some Christian site names and we have been concentrating on them.  We feel like we are going in the right direction.   It just takes time.

Meanwhile, we are having a yard sale this weekend.  I am a fan of yard sales when they are in other people’s yard!  But the timing is right to get this one done. We had donated items that have been stored for us since we arrived here in Florida and the time is up on the storage.  Next weekend is time again for Chemo and then another recovery period.  So, this weekend is the best time. (Not to mention, we could use the money.)

Meanwhile, I am doing fine.  I get a little tired, but I will gain back my strength once this is behind me.  Your prayers have gotten us this far. Please don’t stop praying for me.  I am so Blessed.  My family’s Blessed.  There is no other explanation for my progress- it’s your prayers.

Thank you.

Yesterday, Daniel took the kids to a festival on the river in Ft. Myers. I didn’t go along as planned. I was tired. The tenth day after chemo is when my blood counts are generally lowest. I have no way of testing them other than the way I feel. One of my doctors told me that I need not worry about crowds. On any day that I would be effected by a crowd of people, I would be too tired to go out anyway. That’s was yesterday. I didn’t get out of bed until 11:30! And that only grudgingly. I give myself two shots the day after I finish the chemo. Each one is designed to boost my counts once they fall.

Which means today I am on the upswing!

“Keep the Word of God.”

I have to apologize for the way I left things the last time I wrote. “Terese, it’s like you just got up and walked away!”

I did, Dan. I got up from my computer and walked away. But it’s ok. Sometimes it’s a good idea.

And besides, “By George, I think I’ve got it!”

 Proverbs 4:20-23  NKJV
My son, give attention to my words;
Incline your ear to my sayings.
Do not let them depart from your eyes;
Keep them in the midst of your heart;
For they are life to those who find them,
And health to all their flesh.
Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.

Proverbs 4:20-23  The Message
Dear friend, listen well to my words;
tune your ears to my voice.
Keep my message in plain view at all times.
Concentrate! Learn it by heart!
Those who discover these words live, really live;
body and soul, they’re bursting with health.
Keep vigilant watch over your heart;
that’s where life starts.

“Bursting with Health” Boy, do I like the sound of that.

I like using a Bible search engine that can give me many (if not all) the translations. This is especially important to me because I am just learning to dig into the Word to find my way. I find that if I look at many different translations, I can get a new perspective on what God is trying to tell me. Like Proverbs 4:20-23. It has taken me several days of meditating on this passage before I feel confident enough to write about it. (I am just this baby Christian, you see. I don’t feel qualified to teach anything. That is probably why I ran away from it the other day…But I can think out loud about it anyway.)

What I “hear” from Proverbs 4:20-23 is this . . .the world is so full of garbage bombarding our ears. You have to learn to filter out the negative and concentrate on God’s voice. In order to hear God only, you have to read the Word and know what his voice sounds like. Then surround yourself in it. “Keep the Word of God.”

Oh, hmmmmp. I just had one of those V8 moments. . . When I am in the hospital, I put up these little signs all over the room. Scriptures like “This too will pass.” And sayings like, “My God is bigger than this.” I do this so that when I get worried or scared I can look up and see them there instead of the fear. Why don’t I do that at home? Until you have the Word memorized, why not “keep [His] message in plain view at all times.”

Keep the Word of God. . . If I would learn to always believe the WORD of GOD and not the rantings of the adversary . . .

“Use my Word to Comfort you.” Keep the Word of God.
“Did I not tell you that I would take care of everything? It’s right there in the Word.” In the Bible. It’s been there all along. Go figure.
(You have to actually open the cover to get to the Words, btw. It took me a long time to figure that one out. I was staring at the front cover saying, “I don’t hear anything. . .”)

Luke 11:28 blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it!”

Fight the Enemy . . .

Deuteronomy 20:3-4 NIV
Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before them. For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.

Deuteronomy 20:3-4 The Message
Don’t waver in resolve. Don’t fear. Don’t hesitate. Don’t panic. God, your God, is right there with you, fighting with you against your enemies, fighting to win.

Deuteronomy 20:3-4 Amplified
Let not your [minds and] hearts faint; fear not, and do not tremble or be terrified [and in dread] because of them. For the Lord your God is He Who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to save you.

Deuteronomy 20:3-4 New Life Version
Do not let your hearts become weak. Do not be afraid and shake in fear before them. For the Lord your God is the One Who goes with you. He will fight for you against those who hate you. And He will save you.

I couldn’t pick my favorite translation for this passage. My God! How can you read this and fear for anything? What more is there to say?

Except WHY DIDN’T SOMEONE TELL ME THIS BEFORE? How did I get to be 41 years old and not know that Deuteronomy 20 says that I have no reason to fear or panic or worry or waiver in resolve? Why didn’t anyone say, “Don’t be afraid. God is with you, fighting every step. GOD HAS YOUR BACK!” Looking back over my life, I wonder what would have become of me had I read this and believed it when I was 31 instead of 41. Or 21? Or 11?

Who could not fight an enemy with this kind of backup?

Reminds me of the classic storyline where the weakling is finally standing up to the gang. And he knows that he will be smashed any minute. “I’m not afraid of you anymore! I will not give you my lunch money again.” And the bullies say, “Ok, yah, fine. No problem. We won’t bother you again . . .” And the weakling is amazed that he really scared them off. . . Only we can see an even bigger warrior behind him, staring down the gang.

MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN THIS! In my case, my enemy, my gang of bullies is this Cancer. But it could be anything your facing. Anything.

Anything.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” He has my back. I can fight down the CancerMonster. And I can fight down the devil when he gets in my head to tell me I am not good enough to be a fighter.

He has my back. And I bow down at his feet. It’s a circle. A glorious, fantastic circle of life.

**************
You know I woke up this morning changed. I woke before the alarm so happy and ready to go to church and worship.

I think back over this long drawn out story and I see how it has changed. How I have changed. I know that I make some people crazy when I don’t write for several days (ok a week) but it’s not like it was in the beginning. I am not making fun of the camper pulled up next to me for the weekend. I am changed. Digging out this “lesson” has been hard, but oh, so good for me. It’s scary. More scary than this cancer. But at the same time, I find that this very minute, this very second, I am more at peace than I have been for a long time. This week has been intense. The devil has tried his best to DISTRACT me from learning this thing that God has set in front of me. It’s a weird time in my life. In the life of my husband and my children too. God has carried us across the country and he has yet to set us down on the stoop. We are still in his arms.

People who know me have a harder time with my faith than strangers reading along a story about a woman with cancer. Especially since I was bumping along life’s shoreline before, with no itinerary for the voyage and they know it. A couple times in my life, God has tried to make me see what was ahead, but I didn’t want to listen. Haha God didn’t give me Cancer. But he sure is using it for the good.

“WAKE UP. You have Cancer and I LOVE YOU!”

You know what? God is pretty cool.

I still have two more points to make. I haven’t forgotten.

Until next time. . .

Surely you know.
Surely you have heard.
The Lord is the God who lives forever,
who created all the world.
He does not become tired or need to rest.
No one can understand how great his wisdom is.
He gives strength to those who are tired
and more power to those who are weak.
Even children become tired and need to rest,
and young people trip and fall.
But the people who trust the Lord will become strong again.
They will rise up as an eagle in the sky;
they will run and not need rest;
they will walk and not become tired.

Isaiah 40:27-31 (New Century Version)

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Part 2
I have been thinking about that lesson God gave me Wednesday night . . .I promised I would figure it out, so I printed the six lines out and carried it around all day.   It seems pretty straightforward, but it might not be as simple as it seems.

“Get rid of the Distractions . . .”    I put in “Distractions” in my favorite looker-upper (www.biblegateway.com)  and found something in the Amplified Bible.  Mark 4:19 says “Then the cares and anxieties of the world and distractions of the age, and the pleasure and delight and false glamour and deceitfulness of riches, and the craving and passionate desire for other things creep in and choke and suffocate the Word, and it becomes fruitless.”    Wow.  That is a mouthful.  Maybe another translation.

Let’s look at the NIV: “but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.”

“Cares and anxieties of the world and Distractions of the age.” = “Worries of this life.”    I put that in my pipe and smoked it a while.

Oh . . . I see now.  Stop Worrying.  It is not productive to God’s work.

******

“Trust in the Lord Completely. . .”  Well, that should be a no brainer, right?

TRUST, n.
Confidence; a reliance or resting of the mind on the integrity, veracity, justice, friendship or other sound principle of another.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds peaceful. “Resting of the Mind.”

The fear of man brings a snare,
But whoever trusts in the LORD shall be safe.
Proverbs 29:25 (New King James Version)

If your going to trust anyone, wouldn’t it be God?  God says, “Look, I love you.  I got this.  Trust me.”    Then your cousin’s brother-in-law says, “Man your in trouble.  If I were you I would go nuts . . .”  AND you go nuts.  Here is the problem… when your cousin’s brother-in-law speaks you can see his mouth moving so you know it’s him.  When God speaks, you have to have faith that it’s HIM.   You need to be able to recognize what he says and attribute it to the Lord and not the other guy.

You need to “Keep the Word of God . . .”   To KEEP The WORD, you have to KNOW the WORD.

This is going to take a little more time . . .come back for Part 3

After each cycle of Chemo it has taken me about a week to be able to write again.  About that time, too, I start to get emails and calls and comments wondering if I am ok.  And I am.  It’s just that I need that week to readjust to things.  In the hospital, they keep me tanked up on anti-this and extra-that.  They keep poking me awake and prodding me back to sleep.  “Are you ok?” “Ya, I’m OK.”  “Give her more of this to combat that and test her blood one more time.”

When I get home, I am tired.  Tired and confused for a while.  Before Pam even left on Thursday after delivering me to my husband, I was asleep on the couch.   I slept most of the first 48 hours this time.  There was no hallucinations or such, but I think having gone through Methylene Blue this time added some extra strangeness while it was working it’s way out.

Late Saturday afternoon I finally woke up and wanted to go somewhere.  My first idea was to find water.  I wanted Dan to take me to Pine Island — a long barrier island off the coast of Cape Coral.  I used to live there a long, long time ago.  It would have been a long ride that probably only I would have enjoyed.  So we instead, took the  kids to the Shell Factory.  It’s a themed store with extras.  It’s free for the most part.  Unless you do the extras or have to buy shells.   We let them pick cheap pack of shells each.  It felt good to be out.  Like I had been paroled. Kinda like I was normal for a while.

Sunday morning we went to church.  This church has been very good for me.   The Holy Spirit picks me up and twirls me around during worship and then spends the rest of the service poking me in the chest with His lessons and messages from the Father.   When, at the end of the service, the alter was opened for prayer, Dan and I went together to the front.   We are believing the Lord for our finances.  It’s a tricky time to be living in Florida.  We have been Blessed so far and I don’t want to say “But” . . . we could use your prayers too. . .

The rest of the day was Super Bowl Sunday and I didn’t want to watch another minute of Football related anything.   Jaymi and I were talking about Weaving.  She loves to weave.  If she had a really big loom, she could make something very cool.   We decided to make a large loom because every nine year old needs to be able to make something really cool.  We came up with the idea of a large picture frame.  Now, Aunt Pam sells on eBay and has a fine collection of assorted “Things” in her garage.  We could go over there and dig around. . . They don’t watch Football over there.    So, Jaymi, Brandi and I set off for Aunt Pam’s house.    We dug around and found more than we bargained for.  Three good frames and a boogie board among other things.  I over estimated my energy of course and we headed back home.  But of course, you can’t just go there and back with out another stop.  It was Walmart that did it.

By the time I got the girls back home it was late and I was fried.   And confused again.  I wandered around the house looking for something to do.  Wondering what was going on.    I put together a fish stew for dinner - thinking fish might stimulate my brain! Lol

It didn’t work.

Monday and Tuesday I concentrated on a project to make some income.  It was an interesting (on a frustrating level) internet marketing co-operation with someone I have never met.  It wasn’t a good time to try something new.  I decided late Tuesday night that the project wasn’t going to work for me.   I don’t know what the deal is this round.  I feel cloudy.   I have been sitting here looking at this last line for sometime.

“Dan, help me.  I need to clean out my brain.  Something isn’t working here.”

Then came Wednesday and I had been battling all day with myself over whether or not I was going to go to the mid-week 7:00pm service at church.  I hadn’t joined this group yet.  I’m going.  I’m not going.  I’m going.  “Dan, you wanna go?  I guess I don’t either.”  Then my computer crashed from a virus (I am assuming it was that marketing project that opened me up for attack, but I can’t prove it.)  and I was truly bummed.  (I wrote this yesterday, but couldn’t post it …)

As of 6:30p, I was sitting on my bed wondering what to do.  Really bummed because I lost all my bookmarks!    God said, “Go to Church.”

And I did.  It was good.

I have yet to be able to sing in this church with a dry eye.  I stood and cried.  Then I sat and listened and cried.  The Spirit was so heavy in the sanctuary that the worship continued on it’s own and I continued to cry.   (My friend J from Moffitt would have been very concerned. . .)

Then the lesson started.  They had been studying 2 Chronicles 29.  Before I could even get caught up, God gave me the reason for my funk and the way to solve it.  The Pastor was giving one line summaries of the previous lessons in this book.  As I wrote down what I heard, I realized I wasn’t getting the same lesson . . .

Get Rid of the Distractions.

Trust in the Lord Completely.

Keep the Word of God.

Fight the Enemy.

Pray in the Spirit.

WORSHIP GOD.

And there you have one recipe for clearing out spiritual clutter and cobwebs.  I am going to print out this recipe right now . . . Stick it to my fridge.

Gonna figure it out.

I’ll let you know what I find.

Tomorrow, I promise.

We’ll call this Part 1. . .