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After each cycle of Chemo it has taken me about a week to be able to write again.  About that time, too, I start to get emails and calls and comments wondering if I am ok.  And I am.  It’s just that I need that week to readjust to things.  In the hospital, they keep me tanked up on anti-this and extra-that.  They keep poking me awake and prodding me back to sleep.  “Are you ok?” “Ya, I’m OK.”  “Give her more of this to combat that and test her blood one more time.”

When I get home, I am tired.  Tired and confused for a while.  Before Pam even left on Thursday after delivering me to my husband, I was asleep on the couch.   I slept most of the first 48 hours this time.  There was no hallucinations or such, but I think having gone through Methylene Blue this time added some extra strangeness while it was working it’s way out.

Late Saturday afternoon I finally woke up and wanted to go somewhere.  My first idea was to find water.  I wanted Dan to take me to Pine Island — a long barrier island off the coast of Cape Coral.  I used to live there a long, long time ago.  It would have been a long ride that probably only I would have enjoyed.  So we instead, took the  kids to the Shell Factory.  It’s a themed store with extras.  It’s free for the most part.  Unless you do the extras or have to buy shells.   We let them pick cheap pack of shells each.  It felt good to be out.  Like I had been paroled. Kinda like I was normal for a while.

Sunday morning we went to church.  This church has been very good for me.   The Holy Spirit picks me up and twirls me around during worship and then spends the rest of the service poking me in the chest with His lessons and messages from the Father.   When, at the end of the service, the alter was opened for prayer, Dan and I went together to the front.   We are believing the Lord for our finances.  It’s a tricky time to be living in Florida.  We have been Blessed so far and I don’t want to say “But” . . . we could use your prayers too. . .

The rest of the day was Super Bowl Sunday and I didn’t want to watch another minute of Football related anything.   Jaymi and I were talking about Weaving.  She loves to weave.  If she had a really big loom, she could make something very cool.   We decided to make a large loom because every nine year old needs to be able to make something really cool.  We came up with the idea of a large picture frame.  Now, Aunt Pam sells on eBay and has a fine collection of assorted “Things” in her garage.  We could go over there and dig around. . . They don’t watch Football over there.    So, Jaymi, Brandi and I set off for Aunt Pam’s house.    We dug around and found more than we bargained for.  Three good frames and a boogie board among other things.  I over estimated my energy of course and we headed back home.  But of course, you can’t just go there and back with out another stop.  It was Walmart that did it.

By the time I got the girls back home it was late and I was fried.   And confused again.  I wandered around the house looking for something to do.  Wondering what was going on.    I put together a fish stew for dinner - thinking fish might stimulate my brain! Lol

It didn’t work.

Monday and Tuesday I concentrated on a project to make some income.  It was an interesting (on a frustrating level) internet marketing co-operation with someone I have never met.  It wasn’t a good time to try something new.  I decided late Tuesday night that the project wasn’t going to work for me.   I don’t know what the deal is this round.  I feel cloudy.   I have been sitting here looking at this last line for sometime.

“Dan, help me.  I need to clean out my brain.  Something isn’t working here.”

Then came Wednesday and I had been battling all day with myself over whether or not I was going to go to the mid-week 7:00pm service at church.  I hadn’t joined this group yet.  I’m going.  I’m not going.  I’m going.  “Dan, you wanna go?  I guess I don’t either.”  Then my computer crashed from a virus (I am assuming it was that marketing project that opened me up for attack, but I can’t prove it.)  and I was truly bummed.  (I wrote this yesterday, but couldn’t post it …)

As of 6:30p, I was sitting on my bed wondering what to do.  Really bummed because I lost all my bookmarks!    God said, “Go to Church.”

And I did.  It was good.

I have yet to be able to sing in this church with a dry eye.  I stood and cried.  Then I sat and listened and cried.  The Spirit was so heavy in the sanctuary that the worship continued on it’s own and I continued to cry.   (My friend J from Moffitt would have been very concerned. . .)

Then the lesson started.  They had been studying 2 Chronicles 29.  Before I could even get caught up, God gave me the reason for my funk and the way to solve it.  The Pastor was giving one line summaries of the previous lessons in this book.  As I wrote down what I heard, I realized I wasn’t getting the same lesson . . .

Get Rid of the Distractions.

Trust in the Lord Completely.

Keep the Word of God.

Fight the Enemy.

Pray in the Spirit.

WORSHIP GOD.

And there you have one recipe for clearing out spiritual clutter and cobwebs.  I am going to print out this recipe right now . . . Stick it to my fridge.

Gonna figure it out.

I’ll let you know what I find.

Tomorrow, I promise.

We’ll call this Part 1. . .