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I’m here.  And I’m ok.

I am in a mess of pain though.  I don’t know what the deal is, but I am achin’ pretty bad.  Across my lower back and down my left leg.  (Not the right leg that Seattle was worried about…)  Maybe I just over did it.  Yah, let’s go with that.

I guess I didn’t write last week because I didn’t want you to know that I was in pain.  How stupid is that?  I’ve gotten good at hiding my pain, thanks to the Fibromyalgia I lived with for seven years.  It toughened me up.  But I think I might be at the end of my toughness.  This week’s pain is like a hundred people collected all the pain in their lifetime in a bucket and they all dumped their buckets over my head at once. 

What makes it worse is the trial chemo-fantastico has been delayed due to, first, clerical slippage (that’s the nice way to say it, see) and now, denial by the powers-that-pay for such things.  Even though, they aren’t paying for it!  The actual drug and all extra treatment associated with it will be paid for by the study.  But the state insurance needs to be on board because they will be billed for the everyday things that I would get even if I wasn’t in the study.  Like: periodic scans and blood tests, and routine doctor visits.  I think they think that if something goes wrong they will be stuck with the bill, see.   It doesn’t make sense because if I don’t get the free chemo, then they will have to pay for the other chemo… duh.     I got a call from Dr. R’s nurse and she said not to worry.  “Dr. R is working on it.  He will make it happen. Don’t give up.”

“No.  We don’t give up.  We are not that kind of people.  Dan has already filed an appeal this morning.” 

“Good.”

Dan filed the appeal with the insurance company, and I filed an appeal with the Lord.  I feel like King David… Have you read some of the psalms where he was crying out for the Lord to hurry up already?  That’s what I have been doing.  A whole lot of praying and a great deal of sleeping.

We did add another church to our tour of churches this weekend. God must want to see if we know what’s wrong with a church before He takes us to the right one. Yesterday’s church was ok.  Not great and wonderful.  It was huge and produced.  It was missing something.  At least it wasn’t missing what was missing at the last church.  We walked into the coffee shop where they were selling coffees and teas and goodies like any Starbucks . . .(It brought to mindhow Jesus clear out the temple of the money changers and let all the birds go. “DO not turn my house into a market!”)  The people were milling about from the previous service and those getting ready for the next one were getting their energy drinks.  We asked and received the directions to the children’s church where the other kids were playing video games and indoor basketball.  Then we made our way to the “auditorium” where the band was playing already.  Dan and I love a spiritfilled worship service, but the average age of those in this group was seventeen.  And then the Pastor appeared.  Yup, he appeared.  Nothing miraculous, now.  He was on closed curcuit TV!  Turns out that he has three such churches and traveles between them; appearing on video at the other two!

Many times I have walked into a new church and knew that there was something missing.  But I have never walked into a church and had the missing link be the PREACHER. 

It’s just not right.

It has taken me all day to write this.  I keep falling asleep.  I hope to hear some good news tomorrow  - that I can come and start the new chemo right away.  Pray for me ok?

Love to all

t