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It’s me.

It really is me.

I didn’t think I would be writing again this side of heaven.  But I live another day.  I know that may sound different coming from “I-am-not-dieing,” but the truth is I am.  We all are you know.  Just some sooner than others.  As it turns out for me, not as quickly as I was lead to believe this week.

I‘ve talk about having to face one‘s mortality before, but most of it must have missed me until now.  This week, I got the whole pie right in the face.  It was bitter.

I can’t get into the whole long/short details now- I am having a tough enough time typing this out, but the fluid that I was glad wasn’t in my lung, but only just around it nearly smothered me.  It was blood and they had to find the bleeder and fast.  They put in a chest tube- that is still there under my arm. They radiated my entire right lung twice.  They had me under some huge machine, doing I don’t know what.  They looked at me like it was all a waste of time anyway.

But it wasn’t.

The bleeder was never found, but the bleeding has nearly stopped for now.

Somehow, I took a turn they didn’t expect and walked back into life.  They don’t know how it happened.  But I do.

You prayed.

God listened.

I don’t know how long He has given me, but I will take every moment and love on my family — my husband and children. My mother and step-father & siblings –both no-laws and in-laws . . . And out-laws too.  For as long as the Lord has set before me, I will cherish the gift.  I will be ready for the move to the mansion God has waiting for me in Heaven, but holding on to the fact that thirty years ago, my dear Aunt Shirley was told she had to find a home for her children. Now, her children are providing a place for her to live.

I will never forget the day this week I had to tell my children that God had a big decision to make: whether He needed me to go home to heaven and wait there for them, or if I could come home to stay a little while more with them here. They took it gracefully. Each with as much grace as they could muster. They all know what Heaven is. They know what kind of company you keep there.

“I want you to be with me, mommy.”

“I know Rob. But that is what we have to leave in God’s hands.”

He’s seven.

Kelli has been a rock for me and her dad this week.  Only nineteen.  One minute a mighty grown woman, the next moment just a child herself.  I am so proud of her.

The two girls in the middle tried very hard to be strong.  Nine and ten years don’t give you quite long enough to be strong enough for this.  Yet they pulled it off in spite of me.  Or in front of me.

But Don’t forget:  God is Good.  All the Time.

I give all Honor and Authority to the Lord, my Savior.  Whatever was done this week was done with His direction and by His Love.  Whatever time I have is also His will, not mine.

Please keep praying for me and my family.  And anything you can do for Dan means the world to me.  He is trying to hold it all together. Remember it was moving weekend? And we had to turn in the rental car and find something cheep?  This’ all happening while I am here fighting for my life.  Please pray that the perfect cheep vehicle shows up first thing in the morning!!!

I really don’t know what they are going to do tomorrow.  I don’t know when they will take out the chest tube.  It has been a holiday weekend after all.  Someone will let you know what the plan is, if not me.  By the way, my mom is here.  She came in yesterday and my sisters and brother will be here on Wednesday.  Meanwhile, I am breathing much better and my pain is to a dull roar - mostly from the tube insertion site and my tush is tired of this bed. But I am thinking clearly most of the time and I walked around the department twice today. It’s all good.

ONE MORE THING: I want to share with you a Psalm that I thought was awesome - last week. This week, it is my saving grace…

They say, “It ain’t over ‘till the fat lady sings . . . ” Well, I am getting skinner everyday. . .  so if you’re even kinda’ fat . . . (you know who you are), PLEASE, for whatever reason, DON’T SING ALREADY!