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The rumors have been correct. It’s been a tough week.

Increased pain has decreased my ability to get comfortable enough to sleep. Pam tried to help me sleep in the living room. That didn’t happen as easily as planned. One night she brought air mattresses in the living room. Not so great. The next day, she and Dan brought in an overstuffed chase lounge. It was very comfortable once you climbed in… Getting in and out of it changed it’s value. I needed a hospital bed. I needed some sleep.

I was having new pains - mostly, at that point, in my neck and across my shoulder going down the left arm. Wednesday morning before chemo, Dr. R looked up the last CT and saw nothing that would cause that much pain. I had a CT set up for Monday for the surgeon. (It’s time to take out the stitches for the chest tube…) DR. R ordered that CT be combined with a neck CT and have it moved up to that day (Wednesday) after Chemo.

After Chemo. ppfft

After Chemo (which went off pretty much without a problem) we proceeded to the radiology department in the same building as the Cancer center. They were fitting me in. It became too long of a wait for me. Dan and I were both asleep in the waiting room chair in no time. So, I changed everyones mind and convinced them all that there just wasn’t enough time to do it just then. We were given an appointment for 1:00pm Thursday. We went home to figure out how I was going to sleep that night.

The next day, Pam took me up to the hospital on the hill overlooking all of Portland to get pictures taken.

They were behind. A machine was down. These things happen. What doesn’t usually happen, however did. The technicians were a bit frazzled. They didn’t have time to take the care that one needed with someone in as much pain as I am. (Eyes roll to the left…) Without going into the entire story, I ended up screaming for them to get me out of there. “Get me off this Slab!” “Please, don’t slide me in again!” Evidently the speakers were broken and they couldn’t hear me. (Eyes roll to the right…) I couldn’t go in again. I have only one working lung. “Breathe in and hold it.” wasn’t working for me anymore. Now, a CT is about the simplest of all the picture taking machines other than the plan old X-ray. It doesn’t even take very long. This took a long time. The Techs didn’t even get one picture. The whole time they were adjusting me. Wrong. (Eyes rolling continuously…) THEN one of them started “yelling” that she had screwed up, yes, but I should just calm down and she could go ahead and get the scans done. Oh, I don’t think so.

I ended up being debriefed by a Customer Service Rep and being promise priority service when I returned.

I really didn’t want to ever return.

I knew I had many returns to come.

As it turns out, I didn’t return the next day as planned.

Pam brought me back home in worse shape than I was when I left. Now I was in pain and stressed out even more. There was a pain in my left lower abdomen that was getting worse and worse. This felt like soft tissue instead of the bone pain that I usually deal with. I felt that some kind of infection was coming on hard. I had just had chemo and was sent home. Was I getting the chemo out of my body? The last time I went through chemo I was in-patient. There were nurses and doctors all around me to let me know if I was handling things the right way.

The pain got so bad that I needed to be seen. As much as I didn’t want to go back to the hospital, I had to go. Dan took me to the emergency room around seven-ish. It took a while to get me in to a room and started on the service, but they were very kind and attentive. They wanted A) to get me out of pain, and B) to find out where the pain was coming from. That took quite a bit longer. And a CT scan. Hah. I made sure that they all knew what I had gone through that day with the CT from hell.

It was around two in the morning when they came for me to get the CT. Now there were four scans to take: Neck- for Dr. R, chest - for the surgeon, and now the abdomen and pelvic for the ER. They knew what had happened from me and I think from a little looking into what I said as well. This time was very different. There were now two awesome people looking out for me. They didn’t make me get onto the slab until every thing was set up for all the scans. Once they were ready, they helped me get onto the slab gently. They padded my knees and my arms as much as they could. There was a person that stayed in the room with me to help. He would rush out of the room and back in as needed. They had it set so that the whole thing took less than two minutes. And they got me off the slab as soon as the last scan was completed. Like I said, it was very different from the first scan.

Still trying to get me as comfortable as possible, it wasn’t long after I return to my ER room that they brought in a hospital bed. I was very appreciative. They also brought something else. Some news that we didn’t expect.

The pain in my abdomen was from a new tumor. And it might be bleeding.

It hit us hard.

It didn’t help that we were in the same ER room that we were in the last time, although only Dan remembers that. We took a minute to absorb and then I decided to take advantage of the hospital bed they brought me and get some sleep. Poor Dan had just a stool. And a very heavy heart.

It was around five that they decided to send me home instead of admitting me. There was no evidence that the tumor was bleeding after all. (Speaking out of turn is not a good idea…) It was Friday morning. What could admitting me have accomplished anyway. Let’s go.

Now. I need a bed. I need to sleep. Dan needs to sleep. Pam needs to sleep. I need a bed.

We put some people on getting me a bed and Dan went to bed himself. I went to couch. I slept a little while. When I woke, I found out that we just had to have some doctor’s orders to get a bed delivered. I started calling numbers at the doctor’s office. Not too many picking up the phone this fine Friday morning over there. It wasn’t long though, before everyone checked their messages and figured out that teresa had a need.

I told them that I would go on Hospice if I had to, to get a bed. I found out the difference between “Hospice” and “Palliative Care.” Well, the only difference that mattered to me at the moment anyway. If I went on Hospice, it meant that I couldn’t be actively fighting my cancer. No more Chemo. Palliative Care covers less, but you can still fight.

The team at Dr. R’s office must have pulled in favors,because even though they don’t usually do it, Palliative Care produced a fancy-dancy bed that is now sitting in my living room. They delivered it last evening!

I slept all night!

Dan slept all night!

Pam slept all night!

What a difference a day can make. After one night’s sleep, I feel 100% better. My pain is manageable. I am not ready to fall asleep in the middle of my sentences. I feel and look so much better and my attitude has leveled out and nicened up. Lol. Praise God! A few more nights light this and I am back in the running!

Speaking of praising the Lord, we have a church to go to tomorrow! Last week, our new friends and Landlords gave us the name of a pastor to call. We had so much else going on that we didn’t call him until half way through this week. He came over and prayed with us and we just all fell into an instant friendship. Pastor Rick has been so awesome. He brought over frozen casseroles yesterday! We are Blessed to have met him and looking forward to going to his church tomorrow.

Father’s Day tomorrow! What a father my children have to honor. What a man I have to love and be loved by. He has been through the ringer and back, my Love.

• Thank you Dan.
• I am so sorry.
• I am so Blessed.
• I thank the Lord for letting me be your wife.
• I am so in Love with You.
• Happy Father’s day, baby.

Happy Father’s Day to everyone.