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Today I have been normal.

Hey, don’t discount what I said, now.   NORMAL.   Normal is good.  Normal is fantastic!

I woke up at 9:05.   Hehehe  I kinda cheated on that when I took my morning pills at 6:30 and went back to sleep. But I was able to sleep in until nine that way, see?  I putzed around on the computer in my pajamas for a while before I got dressed.  Then I drove over to the craft store.

Hey are you listening?  I DROVE over to the craft store.  I drove.  I went BY MY SELF.

Huge.

Hadn’t done anything like it in months.

Months I say, Months.

It was fabulous.  I needed some barrel clasps for the jewelry I am making.  I went by myself and then I went to the grocery store in the same plaza to get something for dinner.  My sister, Pam and her husband, Chris are coming for dinner.  (Normal)  We’re having chicken wings.   I decided.  (See, normal)  I decided what we are having for dinner.  And I went to the store to buy it.

NORMAL!

You can’t even imagine, or maybe you can and your nodding your head. . . But to have no control over your own life.  To be totally dependant on others to drive you places — places only they have decided you can go.  I complained in my former life about having to run the house by myself.  Do the cooking, cleaning, shopping, managing the children . . .

I WANT IT ALL BACK!

I want to be normal.

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I have been making paper beads from the Christmas wrapping paper.  We separated the Christmas trash from the paper.  I then cut the wrapping into strips and the girls and I are rolling them into barrel beads.   Part Keeping busy and part something else.

This paper wrapped presents that were given with a different level of love and kindness than your usual pile of gifts.  Not that I didn’t love my children when I wrapped up their presents last Christmas.  But this Christmas,  other people that barely knew my children, used this paper to Bless a family having a bad year. I couldn’t just throw away the paper.   It’s beautiful paper.  And the beads we are making from the paper are beautiful not just for the colors swirled up in the rolling, but because each bead still holds a drop of the love that was showered on us this year, of all years.

I’m making beads.  So I needed to go to the craft store, by myself, to get the clasps for necklaces and bracelets.  See.  I ventured . . .

Anyway.

I was talking to my sister-in-law, Leenie on the phone when I walked back in the house from the store. I instinctively whipped off my wig like one would take off a coat or a hat. “I’m Home!” Life at home had progressed in the same old NORMAL manner while I was out driving around for the first time in months.  Dan, who has been on a cleaning kick today, had the kids all worked up too. . . They were supposed to be cleaning their room.  Rob slammed the door on Jaymi’s finger and she was screaming bloody murder . . . Rob was running in circles, chanting that he didn’t mean to do it. Brandi was yelling at him that he did it, he did it.  And there was a neighbor kid staring in the front (glass) door.  “Leenie, I better go –  life is happening around here.”   I passed the screaming girl off to her dad, gave the other girl a look, and sent the one who slammed the door on her to his room.   Then I  headed for the front door to shoo away the kid there.

“They will be out in a little while.”  I said to the startled little boy at the door.
“O o o Kay . . . “   What is wrong with that kid?   He looked like he saw his first . . .

Oh, his first bald headed woman.   I forgot that I had no hair.

HAHAHA   I forgot I had no hair.

See, today I have been normal.