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I talked to another of my heroes this morning, my sister Anita.  Anita and I are 14 years and 3,000 miles apart.  Yet closer than two hairs on your head.  She is there for me to cry to or laugh with.  And when I need my rear kicked she handles that too. Although now only emotionally! When I was a kid, she used to chase me with a wooden spoon! This morning she just listened when I needed to vent.  This waiting is getting to me.

Then I watched a musical slide show online that my other dear sister made.  I cried.  There are some pictures that I had forgotten.  Memories that slipped away from me for a spell.  Thank you Pammy for pulling them all back in place! Pam is the keeper of good memories in our family.  She has the ability to remember only the good stuff and put away all the hard times.  I wonder how she does that.  I love you Pam.

I have a little sister who beat us all to heaven.  I talk to Jeannie all the time. It has been 18 years.  I was 22 when she died in a car accident.  Kelli was 5 weeks old.  Talk about a Postpartum Crisis.   She was 16.

I also have two brothers. Joseph Michael and Michael Joseph. (The first boy’s name was so good they decided to just switch it around for the next one.) I talked with Mike last night.  He is a tough guy with a gentle soul.  We didn’t become friends until we were both adults.  Now we have a nice relationship. He still lives on the island in south Florida where we grew up.

Joe and I were very close for many years.  He was nice enough to marry the woman who would become the best friend I would ever have.  Joe and Brenda and Dan and I hung out together.  We were in Amway and traveled a lot.  Brenda died eight years ago.  Six weeks after she was diagnosed with cancer. She was 36 and had two boys, one 8yrs old and an 18 month old baby, at the time.  Her death was devastating.  Afterwards it became hard for Joe and I to be together.  We stood as a reminder to each other of what we lost.  Joe has since remarried.  Lisa is a wonderful woman.  We have known her just about all our lives.  She was there when Brenda’s children we’re born and she loves the boys as she does her other three.  She is raising five children and my brother (haha) and my hat goes off to her.  She is another one of my heroes and she doesn’t know it.  She stepped in and took over some pretty big shoes.  I know that my nephews are cared for and loved deeply.  Thank you Lisa.  I don’t think I have ever told you that.

I just talked to Joe on the phone.  I hadn’t called him yet. And he hadn’t called me.  There was a reason for that that no one but the two of is could understand.  My calling him meant that I have to face the fact that I could die.  Because she did.  Him calling me meant that he had to face the fact that she died. Because I could.  Meanwhile neither of us called the other.  The blame lies equally between us.  I knew this.  So I cowboy-ed up and made the first call.

“I am sorry that I didn’t call but I am thinking about you everyday”

“I get it Joe, I am the only one who does. But it’s different this time.  We found it early. I am not going to die.”

With that the whole thing is out and now the line is once again open.  This one thing is just between just him and me.

My Dad passed away a while ago.  He was a hard son-of-a-gun, my dad.  He wasn’t a great husband nor father, but I miss him.  He had Lymphoma. He died from heart failure as a complication of the chemo.  He was 63.

My mother splits her time between Indiana and Florida like most eastern retirees.  Although she did it backwards.  She lived in Florida for almost 30 years before buying her summer home up north.  I guess that makes her a “Sun-bird” instead of a “Snow-bird.”  She remarried a few years ago to a nice, calm, gentle, man. Grandpa Wally is the polar opposite of my father.   Go figure.  Mom had breast cancer and has just finished her rounds of dripping cocktails.   I admire her fighting spirit.  She beat the Monster.  If she can do it, I can do it too!

With both of their maternal grandparents, a maternal great aunt, their paternal grandmother, and now their mother having cancer, my kids are genetically screwed. Dr K talked to us about genetic testing for the kids.  Evidently, there is now a way to check for a cancer gene - a way to prevent it from turning on?

Maybe tomorrow’s tomorrow will bring the answer.