Sweetie, I am not trying to take away your right to complain about what your cancer is doing to your body. I know it is bad. I am sad that your having to
experience this. At the same time the fact is that old age might be taking it’s natural coarse. That part is hard enough to accept. I didn’t like the idea that I was told I needed to start wearing glasses when I had good eye sight all my life… Something that you were never blessed with, but I took for granted. When the Doc said, it happens when you get to be your age. What? Talk about poking! I was just thinking that you could easily mix up the two experiences your going through right now. There is the cancer and all its symptoms. And then there is the old age syndrome. Which you are at the beginning stages of experiencing, and might not be totally aware of yet. It was a shock for me these past five years I tell you. Just to remind you of this so not to get too afraid when it feels really bad, cause part of that could be normal stuff. Don’t panic! However it would be normal to be somewhat depressed about. As you begin to feel better that will pass.

Now as far as a sense of humor goes….. Uhmmm…. It takes a lot to make me laugh at jokes. It has to be really funny, and I don’t care for those sitcom shows because I don’t find them that funny. So there have been times I have accused myself of having a sick sense of humor about those things that did make me laugh. Like if someone did something stupid and got hurt, and you found it funny and laughed about it before asking them if they were alright. I am ashame to admit that I have done that.

That example isn’t my point I am trying to make about the person who you are. Quite the opposite. But it does explain how humor and worrying or caring for the well being of another can sometimes come in play at the same moment together. Does it make sense? Not really. Maybe it is like a battery that has a negative and a positive which creates powered inside yourself. If something rotten has happening in your life. What gives one the ability to find some humorous moments about the experience? How does one
keep a good disposition, holding your chin high and be able to make others laugh! So in some weird sick way it becomes funny? Why does that happen? Is it because humor is the best medicine, as it has been said? I believe that I have laughed about something when I shouldn’t have at times to keep from going into hysterics. Sort of way it kept me sane.

Teresa, honey I realize that I am not having to experience the feelings of being ill as you are, and my life right isn’t in the hands of a doctor mixing some miracle formula in a horrible cocktail being injected into my body. But you know if I could take your place in that chair I would without thinking twice. I would do it for your children who need you. I don’t wonder where your strong faith, being brave and fighting with vengeance is coming from. I know…. You have way too much to live for. You have unfinished business to see to, for the love of your children. There is nothing in life that holds as much emotional endurance then a mother’s need to care for their children. It is the example of how a fragile small person in a moment of panic can lift a two ton truck, if it was laying on top of one so loved.

You know we all can relate what you must be going through in your effort to keep up with this Blog. At a time when your sick, tired and don’t really feel like talking about it anymore. I know is taken it toll and sometimes feels like it has become more of an obligation that you wonder why you got yourself into. As much as it may have felt like a burden, I think it also has been a blessing for you too. It keeps your mind alert which helps you cope. It has to be releasing stress that you would have kept bottle up inside yourself. You don’t need to feel guilty if you haven’t written for some days, because you hadn’t felt like it. I am sure everyone understands. The majority who come in here and read this regularly are your family and friends anyway. God has bless you with a family who cares and loves you T. There is nothing bad about that! God is no doubt by your side. You also have a lot of family and friends here for you as well! In part all of us are also experiencing what you are going through. We feel your pain. We want you better, and all we can do about that is rely on God’s power in our prayers. But I think in the long run that this Blog has been good for you and has helped. As someone who writes in forums often I know how strange this all may becoming for you. Your realizing that you have a large audience reading your feelings about something that is really a personal matter. But I do believe it is a good thing and I wouldn’t want you to give it up. You say you don’t know how it is going to end. Maybe thats not so important. Teresa, none of us know how our plans will end. So it is just a waste of valuable time to worry about that. I just wanted you to know that I feel this blog is another good example of how a positive and a negative can exist in the same space and can create power…..and right now power is what you need. it is possible. All things are possible with God! I love you!