www.cancermonster.net

Yesterday, Daniel took the kids to a festival on the river in Ft. Myers. I didn’t go along as planned. I was tired. The tenth day after chemo is when my blood counts are generally lowest. I have no way of testing them other than the way I feel. One of my doctors told me that I need not worry about crowds. On any day that I would be effected by a crowd of people, I would be too tired to go out anyway. That’s was yesterday. I didn’t get out of bed until 11:30! And that only grudgingly. I give myself two shots the day after I finish the chemo. Each one is designed to boost my counts once they fall.

Which means today I am on the upswing!

“Keep the Word of God.”

I have to apologize for the way I left things the last time I wrote. “Terese, it’s like you just got up and walked away!”

I did, Dan. I got up from my computer and walked away. But it’s ok. Sometimes it’s a good idea.

And besides, “By George, I think I’ve got it!”

 Proverbs 4:20-23  NKJV
My son, give attention to my words;
Incline your ear to my sayings.
Do not let them depart from your eyes;
Keep them in the midst of your heart;
For they are life to those who find them,
And health to all their flesh.
Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.

Proverbs 4:20-23  The Message
Dear friend, listen well to my words;
tune your ears to my voice.
Keep my message in plain view at all times.
Concentrate! Learn it by heart!
Those who discover these words live, really live;
body and soul, they’re bursting with health.
Keep vigilant watch over your heart;
that’s where life starts.

“Bursting with Health” Boy, do I like the sound of that.

I like using a Bible search engine that can give me many (if not all) the translations. This is especially important to me because I am just learning to dig into the Word to find my way. I find that if I look at many different translations, I can get a new perspective on what God is trying to tell me. Like Proverbs 4:20-23. It has taken me several days of meditating on this passage before I feel confident enough to write about it. (I am just this baby Christian, you see. I don’t feel qualified to teach anything. That is probably why I ran away from it the other day…But I can think out loud about it anyway.)

What I “hear” from Proverbs 4:20-23 is this . . .the world is so full of garbage bombarding our ears. You have to learn to filter out the negative and concentrate on God’s voice. In order to hear God only, you have to read the Word and know what his voice sounds like. Then surround yourself in it. “Keep the Word of God.”

Oh, hmmmmp. I just had one of those V8 moments. . . When I am in the hospital, I put up these little signs all over the room. Scriptures like “This too will pass.” And sayings like, “My God is bigger than this.” I do this so that when I get worried or scared I can look up and see them there instead of the fear. Why don’t I do that at home? Until you have the Word memorized, why not “keep [His] message in plain view at all times.”

Keep the Word of God. . . If I would learn to always believe the WORD of GOD and not the rantings of the adversary . . .

“Use my Word to Comfort you.” Keep the Word of God.
“Did I not tell you that I would take care of everything? It’s right there in the Word.” In the Bible. It’s been there all along. Go figure.
(You have to actually open the cover to get to the Words, btw. It took me a long time to figure that one out. I was staring at the front cover saying, “I don’t hear anything. . .”)

Luke 11:28 blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it!”

Fight the Enemy . . .

Deuteronomy 20:3-4 NIV
Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before them. For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.

Deuteronomy 20:3-4 The Message
Don’t waver in resolve. Don’t fear. Don’t hesitate. Don’t panic. God, your God, is right there with you, fighting with you against your enemies, fighting to win.

Deuteronomy 20:3-4 Amplified
Let not your [minds and] hearts faint; fear not, and do not tremble or be terrified [and in dread] because of them. For the Lord your God is He Who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to save you.

Deuteronomy 20:3-4 New Life Version
Do not let your hearts become weak. Do not be afraid and shake in fear before them. For the Lord your God is the One Who goes with you. He will fight for you against those who hate you. And He will save you.

I couldn’t pick my favorite translation for this passage. My God! How can you read this and fear for anything? What more is there to say?

Except WHY DIDN’T SOMEONE TELL ME THIS BEFORE? How did I get to be 41 years old and not know that Deuteronomy 20 says that I have no reason to fear or panic or worry or waiver in resolve? Why didn’t anyone say, “Don’t be afraid. God is with you, fighting every step. GOD HAS YOUR BACK!” Looking back over my life, I wonder what would have become of me had I read this and believed it when I was 31 instead of 41. Or 21? Or 11?

Who could not fight an enemy with this kind of backup?

Reminds me of the classic storyline where the weakling is finally standing up to the gang. And he knows that he will be smashed any minute. “I’m not afraid of you anymore! I will not give you my lunch money again.” And the bullies say, “Ok, yah, fine. No problem. We won’t bother you again . . .” And the weakling is amazed that he really scared them off. . . Only we can see an even bigger warrior behind him, staring down the gang.

MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN THIS! In my case, my enemy, my gang of bullies is this Cancer. But it could be anything your facing. Anything.

Anything.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” He has my back. I can fight down the CancerMonster. And I can fight down the devil when he gets in my head to tell me I am not good enough to be a fighter.

He has my back. And I bow down at his feet. It’s a circle. A glorious, fantastic circle of life.

**************
You know I woke up this morning changed. I woke before the alarm so happy and ready to go to church and worship.

I think back over this long drawn out story and I see how it has changed. How I have changed. I know that I make some people crazy when I don’t write for several days (ok a week) but it’s not like it was in the beginning. I am not making fun of the camper pulled up next to me for the weekend. I am changed. Digging out this “lesson” has been hard, but oh, so good for me. It’s scary. More scary than this cancer. But at the same time, I find that this very minute, this very second, I am more at peace than I have been for a long time. This week has been intense. The devil has tried his best to DISTRACT me from learning this thing that God has set in front of me. It’s a weird time in my life. In the life of my husband and my children too. God has carried us across the country and he has yet to set us down on the stoop. We are still in his arms.

People who know me have a harder time with my faith than strangers reading along a story about a woman with cancer. Especially since I was bumping along life’s shoreline before, with no itinerary for the voyage and they know it. A couple times in my life, God has tried to make me see what was ahead, but I didn’t want to listen. Haha God didn’t give me Cancer. But he sure is using it for the good.

“WAKE UP. You have Cancer and I LOVE YOU!”

You know what? God is pretty cool.

I still have two more points to make. I haven’t forgotten.

Until next time. . .

Surely you know.
Surely you have heard.
The Lord is the God who lives forever,
who created all the world.
He does not become tired or need to rest.
No one can understand how great his wisdom is.
He gives strength to those who are tired
and more power to those who are weak.
Even children become tired and need to rest,
and young people trip and fall.
But the people who trust the Lord will become strong again.
They will rise up as an eagle in the sky;
they will run and not need rest;
they will walk and not become tired.

Isaiah 40:27-31 (New Century Version)

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