www.cancermonster.net

It’s raining again today. I spent the afternoon walking in the rain trying to catch a cell signal. When I got tired of being drenched, I got in the car and drove around the park looking for a cell signal. Finally, I put the kids in the car with me and drove into town looking for a cell signal.

What was so all fired important about finding a cell signal, you ask? Well, I’ll tell ya. You know how I keep saying that the pathology report is not ready yet? After more than a month? Today I found out what was taking so long. The main lab at OHSU has no record of receiving it.

Yes, you read that right. All this time we thought the cells were doing what ever it was that they were supposed to be doing in a petree dish in the “expert of all labs” lab at OHSU. But, according to House’s assistant who has been searching for said cells, it is not there. So not only was I searching for a cell signal, I was searching for a signal of where my cells got to. They wanted something from the pathology up at OHSU by Tuesday morning latest. It was Friday after twelve.

I put in a message to Dr K with the dilemma, asking for a call back. He was the one who ordered the pathology and I couldn‘t think of anyone better able to help me find it. He is in surgery in Portland on Fridays but the woman I talked to said she would try to catch him. Not wanting to miss him if he called back, I had to make sure I was able to receive calls. Hence the mad dash in the rain. Cell coverage here in the canyon is shoddy on the best day. The storm had washed out all signals under cover. The only way to keep a line open was to stand in the middle of the road in the rain. That was getting old fast. And I couldn’t get a hold of Dan. I was frantic. What Dan could have done, I don’t know. But somehow it was imperative that I tell him.

I allowed the problem to unnerve me. In layman’s terms: I freaked out. At least, being sopping wet, no one could tell half the water dripping off me was tears. All this time. Waiting for the report to start the treatment. Wondering about the given name of my sworn enemy. Cursing the tech for taking so long. All the while the CancerMonster was gaining ground like an Oregon Mold in the rain.

I put the kids in the car and drove towards Dan’s job. I couldn’t get a hold of him and I needed him badly to calm my rising internal fear. I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to pull onto the job site, red-eyed and crazy, and make him fix it. In front of the other construction workers and the hotel owner who is already worried that my problems will somehow slow down his progress.

Coming to some kind of surface sanity and three bars of cell coverage, I pulled into the parking lot of a small grocery store to think and calm down.

“We were already here at this store this morning, mom.”

“Did we forget something?”

“Can you buy me CANDY?”

“Hush, all of you.”

OK,now think. Dr K carries my files back and forth from Portland to Lincoln so no one in either office will have an answer for me. Dr K has not called me back so he is either still in surgery or gone for the weekend. There must be someone else who knows where the pathology is. I don’t even know the name of the lab that had it first. But the HOSPITAL here where the sarcoma was found must have a trail. Yes, why didn’t I think of that? I called the hospital main number and asked for the surgical desk. A few minutes on hold and I realized that was the wrong place. Hang up. Call back. “I need to trace the pathology for a surgery I had a month ago.” “Let me connect you with the lab.”

After explaining my situation in more detail than the listener cared for, I was connected to the Specimen Processing Desk. Unable to help me or unable to understand me, the first person that answered put me on hold to get someone else that spoke “frantic”.

The next person listened carefully and understood my problem. She got right on the case. She said she would call the lab in Corvalis and track the slides for me. It was then close to 3:00p - on a Friday afternoon. She would have some kind of answer for me before she left for the day at 4:30.

OK, can’t go back to the park in the canyon until she calls me back. Slowly, and calmly this time, I continued in the direction of the job site. There had been another problem earlier, that I needed Dan to solve. A money problem having to do with the ugly old car I had been leasing all summer and the card that made it possible. Nearing Depoe Bay, I finally got a response from Dan on the Nextel walky-thingy in my phone. “I got your beep. And your voice mails. And your IM and email.”

“Finally.”

“Give me the number to the rent-a-car again. . . Ok stop talking while I program it in . . . If you keep interrupting me, I can’t do this.”

“Don’t yell at me, I have had a bad day.”

He hadn’t actually yelled. Dan very rarely raises his voice. But he has this annoying way of yelling at me softly. He swears it’s not yelling, but after twenty years, I know when he is Thinking Loudly at me. He was Thinking Loudly, if not at me, in my general direction.

The poor guy has been dealing with my Fibro-Fog induced anxiety attacks for years now. One minute I am asking him if I should do the dishes first or the laundry and the next minute I am telling him not to tell me what to do. He has a perfect sense of direction. When I am really fogging, I can get lost on the way to the mail box. Now he is dealing with the FibroCreature and the CancerMonster at the same time ganging up on him. I feel for him, I really do.

“Why don’t I just come to the job?”

“No.”

“I’m almost there.”

“No!”

NOW he was yelling. I went too far. Pulling into the tourist center overlooking the ocean, I turned off the car and exhaled. “What are we doing here?” came a voice from the back seat. I had almost forgotten they were back there. “We have to be somewhere until I get my call. This spot has a better view than the grocery store.”

“Yah, your right.”

“Maybe we will see a whale.”

In the three months we have been down here, we have yet to see a whale. Yah, looking for whales. Let’s go with that.

“I can’t get a call out. I am heading into Depoe.”

“I am already here. Looking for whales.”

Dan pulled in beside us a few seconds later. He took one look at me and shook his head. I looked in the mirror and shook my own head. I guess I was kind of a mess. He gave me a hug and made his call. Within minutes he had that problem all straightened out. Too bad he couldn’t find my missing butt bump. Too bad he had to go back to work.

Not too long after Dan drove off, I got the call I was waiting for.

“The lab in Corvalis still has SOME slides. The tech couldn’t tell me if anything had been sent to OHSU because the supervisor has gone for the day. She won’t be back until Monday morning. I will call her first thing Monday and then call you back.”

“Should I call YOU Monday morning?” I wanted to be sure she didn’t forget. “No, it’s right here on my desk. I will call first thing and get back to you.” Was she reading my mind or did I question her memory out loud?

There was nothing more that could be done at that point. It was 4:00 on Friday. I pulled away from the Whale Watching Center and headed back towards camp. Calmer, yet still weeping. How could I have let this go so long trusting that the test was just taking long due to the uncommon specimen. Maybe it is in a different lab on the other side of OHSU with a different expert lab tech diligently completing the report right now. Maybe it fell out of the truck on the way. I can see the commercial now: ” STRANGE LUMP SEEN BUMPING ALONG I-5 BETWEEN CORVALIS AND PORTLAND. Details at 5:00.”

Maybe tomorrow I will post a reward. . .