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There was a couple that Dan and I met this week. Younger than us, with four children and a CancerMonster of their own. We talked about our respective situations. Maybe we will run into them again, maybe not. We said our goodbyes and nice-at-meet-cha’s and went on our way. I thought about them on the ride home and started to ask Dan what he thought about them when it dawned on me that they might be talking about us at the same time.

What do the strangers we strike up a conversation with think about us when we walk away? Very often in our lives we have just one chance to make a difference. Even if it’s just to make some one chuckle that had no intention of laughing. Can you make a difference in someones life in one sitting? Do they say, “That was weird…” as your back turns. Or do the say, “Wow, I hadn’t thought of it that way before.” Is it our responsibility to make a difference in someone elses life? All questions I don’t have the answers to.

I came across the path of many people this week. Never a dull moment in my life. What they think of me, I’m not sure. I had my medications tweaked on Monday, and my lifestyle tweaked on Tuesday. Dr. Pain is great. I think he thinks I have a chance to over come this monster. If not, he hides it well. The ladies I met on Tuesday are used to other outcomes, but they offer so much help that we dearly need now. There might be help with housekeeping and a summer program for the children among many other thing I’ll wait to tell you about. I talked way too much. Haha I hope they think that I am a fighter with an attitude. Does it matter?

Wednesday, we met with Dr. R. I think he is changing his mind about me. Even though I have a new problem every time I see him, I have the same attitude of survivorship. Dr. Pain had called the problem of my left arm not working to his attention on Monday. So when Dr. R walked in he asked what was going on there… “Well, the arm doesn’t want to work, but the real problem is that my left knee is numb now. Totally numb. I fell a couple times today. What can we do about it?” He stared for a second and then said, “You keep trying to fall apart on me, but you pull together again well.”

“Aren’t you glad you inherited me?”

A big grin told me that he kinda was. Hahah Go figure. See, just last week, he was telling me that even though good things are happening - like my right radiated lung opening up again - I need to remember that something catastrophic could happen at any moment. Ya-Ya. I know. But this week was a little different. I can’t put my finger on it, but it has to do with what he thinks about me. Somehow I made a new impression…

The next set of people I crossed was up at the University at my old buddy Dr. House’s department. (Remember “House” is the expert surgeon - the only one in the Pacific NW that could do the surgery right.) We showed up without an appointment and even though the receptionist was highly annoyed, she was kind and helpful. It helped that I commiserated with her about how often Dr R sent people to the Interdisciplinary Sarcoma Clinic without an appointment. That he had done. Because both my left limbs were on strike, Dr R wanted me to see Dr. H right away. Even though I am a patient of Dr. R now and I don’t see Dr House very often anymore, I feel like a joint project between the two.

(We have Dr H, Dr R, and we just need “Puff-n-stuff” then we can sing, “HR Puff-n-Stuff, Always There When Thing Get Rough.” heheh  I loveed that show when I was a kid!)

Dr. House said that the numb knee is caused by that rascally new tumor in my abdomen pushing on the femoral nerve. Hopefully the chemo will reduce the swelling against that nerve and the numbness will go away. It already feels different today. I fell a couple times yesterday, but today has been better. The arm problem is more tricky. The cause is not as clear. The CT scans that I have already on file are not showing a good picture so…

Tomorrow I am getting an MRI!

AGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH! Anyone who has followed this tale a while knows that I am claustrophobic and even more so now than ever. I made it clear that I must have sedation. In fact a few minutes ago I called the imaging department to make sure they had “IV sedation” on record already.

“It says here that you will be getting a prescription from your doctor…”

“Oh, no, no, no. I need to be sedated.”

“It also says that if that doesn’t work there will be a nurse standing by for …”

“Let’s just go ahead and say that it is not going to work and I will be sedated. I need IV sedation.”

I think that was clear. I would have been stronger, but the voice sounded kinda like the woman from the CT that was mean to me. (I am pretty sure what she thinks of me.) I wanted to make sure she didn’t spit in my IV . . . you now what I mean.

Bigger than anything else I need help with today is that whatever is in my neck needs to go away. I need healing prayer for this spot. It might not be a good spot.

I want the MRI to be a WOT (Waste Of Time).   I don’t want to stop the chemo to start radiation. I need the widespread systemic way chemo covers the whole body at once. Or I need to be healed.

I need your prayers. I know it’s late in some parts, but I need your neighbors prayers, too.

Gotta love me. It’s a rule!

Father, God, I give you all Honor and Glory for You are the Master Physician. I ask tonight for 10,000 angels to lift me into your arms. In this peace, I ask the tumors in my body to be removed and blown into the ocean just as your Son told us to command the mountains into the sea. I beg for an inch of His garment . . . An ounce of mud . . . A breath of your Spirit to caress my cheek and heal me now. I do not deserve it. My will is nothing and Your Will is all.   Yet I ask for the benefit of your covenant. When your Son was crucified on the cross and rose from the dead to save us from our sins, that included all diseases, too. My body is Your temple. Please cleanse me of the evils inside. Restore my body to the image you meant for it.

Thank You, Father for your love and grace. Thank you for your healing touch, Lord. I love You with every thing I have, everything I am, everything I will be … for You.

In the Name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, this I Pray

Amen.

I’ll let you know about the MRI… Hopefully there will be nothing to tell.  Tomorrow, tomorrow.

NOTE: The MRI will be at 11:00am pst