www.cancermonster.net

It’s Sunday. I remembered to set the alarm last night. Finally. Sunday morning is always a big battle day.

I woke up just in time to foil the Monster’s plans for the morning. The moment I opened my eyes, I knew he was at work. I didn’t have to reach behind to feel it. I could tell IT reach my spine over night. The thrumming of his warriors vibrated to the beat of my heart.

For the entire ten “snooze” minutes I lay perfectly still, not wanting to know if I could move or not and wondering when that day would come.

I was afraid that any movement might break my back. Should I wake Dan or not? No, what if it was all in my imagination? Slowly I started with my toes.

Wiggles. Good.

Legs. Yes.

I sat up carefully, and pulled open the drawer where I keep my medication. Downing the pain pills before I went any further seemed the best action before I took a step.

Ok, your just being silly. Silly, yes, but the throbbing in my spine was still there. Never mind the throbbing, I told myself. I put on the coffee and got dressed and quietly as I could. Even put on makeup and brushed my hair. The coffee was still not ready, so I took my book outside without it.

Generally, I sit with my coffee and my book on the porch for a good long time in the mornings. And sometimes I write on my phone pad for a spell. But today, I had something to prove. To whom? Myself? Not my family still asleep inside. To the Monster?

To the Monster and me.

I turned away from my chair and started to walk. 8:30a on a Sunday, the park was just coming awake. Campers climbing out of their dens, canvas or coaches. Bacon smells filled my senses. I kept walking.

I met a princess less than a foot tall with her hair skimming the ground and her servant holding up her leash lest she trip and spoil her march. She owned the park, it seemed. I thanked her for allowing me passage through her kingdom.

I met a man on my way back from the dock and we contemplated the weather. We decided it would be another beautiful day in the neighborhood no matter what the TV predicted.

I saw two dogs having a meeting of the behinds and two women chasing small children across the lawn. I walked on.

I ran into J on his four-wheeler. He pulled over to chat.

“Good morning neighbor!” I said to the jolly old elf.

“What are you doing out walking so early?”

“Proving I still can.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

“No matter, it’s a beautiful morning.”

J agreed, said he’d been out fishing at 5:00a. Caught a steelhead about yeay big.

“I have to make an admission,” I said quietly so no one else could hear. “I am doing my part for Salmon Conservation.
I hate Salmon.”

“You hate Salmon? Catching them or eating them?”

“Shh, someone might hear. I don’t like how they taste. I know that is sacrilege in this season.”

“Ooh, you’ll never get another spot in this park now!” he said with a grin.

“Maybe I just need a chef to cook them right?” In J’s former life, he was a chef working dude ranches in Wyoming, see. He agreed that must be the case. As he drove off, he promised to bring me some properly prepared Salmon as soon as possible.

I walked on.

My sweet neighbor lady was on her own porch and I sat for a couple minutes shooting the morning breeze with her and Bill her dog. I hope I am not making a nuisance of myself, coming over so often. I am new at this neighbor thing. I didn’t stay long. The smell of her coffee reminded me of mine still in the pot.

Finally, back to my house, I climbed in and made me a cuppa’ Joe. It hit the spot.

Too bad it can’t hit the other spot still throbbing. But I did it. I got out of bed when I wasn’t sure that I could. I walked when another might have just sat. I met the day with pride.

I refuse to be a victim. I am the Tree. The survivor tree on the hill.

*******************

2:00p

I talked with Aunt Shirley, Pam and my mother this afternoon. Same as Anita and Leenie and all of my friends I have talked to in the past couple days, they all had plenty of good solid advice. None I can follow on Sunday, except to stay calm and relax. Tomorrow will be a busy day. First thing we are going to apply for state medical assistance. Then find a treatment center.

TOMORROW we will find SOMEONE to help us! We can’t let this go on any longer. I won’t allow them to make me lie to my children.